Reconciliation....Part 2

Reconciliation.....with myself

A word so heavy most of us cannot admit nor convience ourself to do,
not only with others but worse with ourself...

I had a dream the other day, a dream i always wanting to have every
time I close my eyes every night......its a about someone, that i used
to play with, intimately, joyfully and with honest feeling of
contentment and pride that i had him. In the dream i was walking on
an idle land where people pass by, thinking of no one, just letting
my mind fly and be drifted by the winds then, suddenly i saw
someone so familiar that i couldn't even imagine in my dreams
that there he was standing and smiling...

He walks towards me and ask "would you like to stay a while and
have a little something from the past" and i said "of course I
would". We walk along the vast greenery and by the time we through
the  hills with tall grasses, i started to hear the waves from
a nearby sea, splashing on the shore with its glittering and
foamy water.

After that as if i felt the familiar touch heated with passion
that i always wanted to have, then suddenly a thought came to me,
I want to search  for my mobile phone,and i couldn't help but
search and search, in my pocket,on the ground. i stop and look at
him and ask for permission to leave and get my phone and promise
that i will come back, but unfornuately when
i reach my house and search for that stupid phone, i found something
else.

Two guys are seating on my bed, with a very clear intentions on their
minds and in there shorts,so, what does a guy had to do with such
situation, well, i simple forgot about the stupid phone I'm  looking
for and get along with their nice intentions. Then, again, someone
walk in the room, and saw us...that flashed me out of it and
remembered that someone is actually waiting for me...someone i
couldn't remember who, then i found the phone lying on the floor with
too miss call, but i couldn't figure out who and why.....i went out to
go back to where my lost memory leads me....hmmm... I said
to myself...if this guy actually going to wait for me, he should
be there, but his gone and i couldn't even remember who he was, but
the feeling was so vivid, I can even smell his scent..... In my dreams I
thought...if i have found someone in my own bed other than someone I
was wishing for and indulge maybe he too have found someone and
left...but the tricky part was the miss call that i couldn't
figure out who...

conlusion....maybe i shoud not wait for someone from the past that i
always wished to dream about, maybe he too have moved on, and I should
too. Letting my self reconcile with the truth that I'm the only one who
has to power to make my self happy and not deppending on others
permission and their present situation.

Now through this blog i'm letting all my feeling go. And letting my
self free from any feelings of longing and unwanted last, fear and hatred
from the past.

THats it....i feel better.....(hmmmm... well i guess i do...I'll get over it
soon)