Series of Thoughts..Entry No. 3

Through my entire life, lots of things happened, things that I may not be proud of, but still, it happens. Some would say, that this sort of things are taboo, some would say that its just a part of life, or worst, that its just how we are, we experienced or tried to experience it in so many different levels. So many different levels that some actually abused it, made it so dirty that it becomes a stigma to the so called normal people, that GAY People = Aids, or Gay people + Men = Sin, only in the name of SEX.

At a young age I wonder about it and experienced it. So, the questions comes........



Entry NO. 3. 01 March 2001



S E X .......................




B A W A L K A N G A B A ? . . . . . .

ang alen?. . . .


masarap daw yun?......
kailan puwede.?.........
saan tayo?................
ano?........ ano na.....???


H O Y ! ! ! ? ! ?

ikaw nga!!!!.......


HAVE YOU EXPERIENCED IT?......

WITH WHO...???....

WHEN????

IS IT GOOD????.....

ARE YOU GOING TO DO IT AGAIN?.....

ARE WE?


ano ba yun?
wag...... wag??
masama daw yun para sa atin...
.....bawal...

bakit!?!?!...para sa kanila lang daw yun...
.....sabi nila....

kasalanan....
hmmm..kailan tama?


KAILAN TAMA ANG MALI?

TATAMA ba ANG MALI?


S E X..........MALI????.......HINDI....MASARAP EH....ISA PA NGA.




puroy.



So, how do you see sex in your life? or better yet, how well did you cope with sex in your lifetime?. Specially in our lives, we are always on the scandalous side of the story if the general public or the so called normal people talks about our sex life, its either YIKES!!!, eeek, or YUCK!! right? if they started talking about it. But who cares, masarap noh.

And shouldn't it be not just Gay Sex? or just S E X ?. Its nice to experience it with love, with eye contact, with feelings and at the end you can sigh with relief that you had it with someone good, may not be special but good and not sigh of relieved that its over and go.

Series of Thoughts..Entry No. 2

As days goes by, from my first entry to my first "Black Book ", it was literally black, I found it at a small book store in Cubao, Mirriam ata yun, or sounded like it, teka sa National bookstore ata, ay ewan, basta it was black and i need a white inked pen or anything opaque for it....Ok, I felt the ease of mind in writing whats in my heart, like questioned I always asked myself, but couldn't ask anyone, so, I wrote it down, corny???..yeah, pero kebs, Black Book ko to noh


Entry No.2. 16 February 2001

LOVE....


DO WE ALL FALL IN LOVE???????

But what is love???

Who is it for???

1. When do you feel love?
2. When do you find it?
3. When can I find it????????


Does it have a gender?........................Does it have a color?.........................................Does it exist for limited type of people?................................



M E R O N B A P A R A S A A K I N ?????


hmmmmmm....
bukas ba?
sa makalawa?
m a l a y o p a ?
ang tagal naman........ ayoko na ata...


MERON BA PARA SA AKIN??......talaga?..


sigurado ka?.....................SANA.



puroy.



As you can see the date, I was deeply affected by the festivities of the season, the season of love and sharing love. Seeing and joining my friends with their lovers and trying to enjoy every fiesta of red colored scenario everywhere, I too indulged with smiling face, but, with my eyes shut closed for the pains and confusion in my heart, weather I should be there or not. Making a fool of no one but myself that I'm happy and enjoying it.

But all of this was long time ago...Manhid na po, learned to enjoy what I have and who I have it with.

Series of Thoughts..Entry No. 1

I scribbled a number of thoughts years ago, eight years to be exact, but an entry from one of the members (MMG for Friends) actually makes me realized that, I too have been there, the letting go phase and with all those questions that I longed to be answered. But still, I think I haven't found them, the answers..... it still eludes me.

So, here it goes.

Entry No.1. 10 February 2001

A letter to an "A" Friend.


When you can't put your prayer
into words, God hears your heart......

I don't understand why God created
"People Like Us".

I shouted a BIG Why???.....
well who knows...

....I may not be Gods greatest creation
but i know that he loves you and me.


....And there are few things I treasure in
life and one of them is you.

....Basta ang alam ko dito sa mundo ko
na mundo mo, isa lang ang tanging
asam ko, ang maging isang tapat
na kaibigan mo.

At ngayon at bukas, buo ang tiwala ng
taong ito sa isang tulad mo.


puroy.


I wrote this for a friend, who I never thought of becoming my best friend, but the only bad thing about this was, I never showed him, he never saw this ever....again, a big why?.... I felt short of confidence in letting him know of how important he is to me. Until I left for my first job abroad and then he got into a relationship.... Then I felt it is more inappropriate to give such letter.

But we are still good friends, great friends actually with his lover for seven years.