To fear or not to fear....???_02

Again fear, depression and anxiety strikes me hard after feeling excited of writing my first three poems, hmmm it was four actually but didn't post. It was a good feeling at first then realizing the truth behind the art of writing poem, now I'm afraid to post my last composision.

I'm afraid that I'm doing it wrong, and my goodness I even invited people to read it out of exicitement, but for no other reason, just to get some comments, and take it constructively, well, that is the only way to take it, whether bad or good comments comes.

And it came, thanks to some few friends who gave some interesting suggestion and links on how to develop my writing skill. First, Jun, the lovable adorable friend from Tamblot, one of the lovebirds I been talking about, but his quite nice in giving advise, he only mentioned that maybe I should try "free verse" instead of rhyming my poem, for I dont have rythm on my three posted entries.....which I find funny....you (jun) already felt that i'm doing it wrong!?!?! so please tell it to my face so i can change and study more to develop it (di naman ako galit nyan..na aliw lang..lol.) Then a long lost friend decided to re surface after lingering on his success (lol) with his new found job (oops luma na yun ah), he , Bernie Bulan is the name, called me up last weekend and ask to have a chat, unfortunaely I was in a party and couldn't leave, so, I just advise him to please check my entries since his one of the best critic I've known when it comes to creative writing. And he did check it, well he did more than that, more than I expected him to do, he called me up atleast three times (overseas!!!) just to tell me what he think about my entries and how excited he was to read and guide me to develop my writing skills (well the guidance was solicited by me..lol).

After that phone conversation, I decided to leave the party and look for a 24 hour internet cafe so I can have a chat with him and get the advise I've been wanting to have. So, after like 15 minutes of convincing my friends from the party that I have to go, they let me and give directions where I can have a chat with Bernie. And it was a great decision to leave early for I had a great time catching up with my friend and the advise he gave me was more then enough to inspire and scare me off from creative writing.

He told me to go back to basic, check my grammar and figure of speach, well thats the foundation of creative writing, then check wikipedia, for me to know the basic meaning and kinds of peotry, then be a member of any yahoo group that caters to writers and poets, which I finds the best thing he told me to do. Hmmmmm well I did all of them but being a member of a group even on the net that will let you discuss and ask question about your interest will do help me a lot, for I have lots of question to ask...lol..

After reading and checking deffirent text and links about poetry, I realized that writing one is not just putting words together and making it sound good for my ear but its an art, a true art that should be studied properlly. Yes, I'm writing for myself and letting others read them, so, its my responsibility to give them a good read, well atleast.

Ok, so, the only thing I have to do now is to thank you Mr. Bernie Bulan for that enlightening suggestion and for edditing some of my works (I'll be posting it soon) and Mr. Jun Almansor for opening up the word "free verse" ( at first I thougth, what the hell is that free versing) and now I know, thanks for being nice to me even if I making a fool out of myself for letting myself be dragged by my emotion, but on the contrary I learned more and I can do more now and develop my writing all becasue of your advises.

Thanks a lot!!!

Inspired by.....for a poem.

Been wanting to write a poem but couldn't get the right inspiration for it.....unfortunately I got it in a very odd state of mind and condition....through pain, disappointment and depression. Nevertheless I started and posted, I contemplated on my present state of mind, calculated the odds of happiness for me and made up the right words and kaaboom!!!!!! a poem!!! it may not be of best feelings but I always find it terafutic to write, it lets out your emotions and lets your mind flow freelly without boundary.

Next time I'm hoping to collect words and feeling that spells inspiration and love, CORNY!!!!! well who doesn't want love and be inspired by it...... I have one on the draft but still waiting for some confirmation from a friend to used one of his photo on my blog... his a very good photographer by the way. I was inspired by one of his shots, that if you see it, its a mixture of happyness and loneliness in one, the colors and ligthing are just right to makes you fall in love and yet makes you sad, so I tried to capture the love that it creates and the loneliness it brings, I put them in words and would love to share them with you, the feeling I had when I saw that photo.

Well lets wait till he approveds.

in the midst of the fog

In the midst you belong, to lay and suffer the hard truth
Wanting, needing to escape the bites of reality at hand
In the midst you belong, to play and master the hard truth
Enduring, creating to gain the promised knowledge in vain

Let the fog swallow your whole being, be part of its wings
Not letting and engaging to be desolve by its dews
Let the fog swallow but not the pure sense of being you evolve in
Not be the past nor present will guide you to pass in path

In the midst of the fog emerges the triump of the one who passed
Not letting the air trap the genuine tutelage ones had
In the midst of the fog step by step slices the path of true minds have
Not letting be trapped in the midst of the fogs wrath

Drifted.

Life as it seems is like river of scene
Washing the shore with its current upstream
Living no trail but damp mud on the ground
Staining your feet while you drift your life at scene

Life as it seems is a mud at your feet
Stained by emotion and experience at every shore
Brought by the river of scene that drift your life
Drifted consciously or just no choice the river just flows

Tired as you may seems, no hope as it may seems
Let the Current be the sign of life's current glow for it flows
The mud that stained your feet at every scene at every shore,
Will soon be washed to open shore.



(for you my sister......from me puroy)

the dreamer

I had a dream of nameless faces
Faces I want to see and touch
Faces I want to be and watch
Watching it fade with the dust

Drifting in that dream without nothing to touch
But nameless scene that I longed to have
Scene that mocked me from the top
By the dream that I thought I must have

Am'I a dreamer of such? being here many longed to have
Am'I a dreamer of such? being living a dream that I once had
Am'I a dreamer of such? wanting things a dream only can have
Or am'I dreaming of something I cannot have, being a dreamer of such.

floral endulgence...."of the (fake)rose"

would you believed that my surname actually means "of the rose"??? well according to a book I saw before, so, i'm giving you some rose endulgence.....I find it not so cute though...lol...what do you think?...hmmmm soooo gay!!!!! i'm sure!!! baklush na baklush



or any body wants to tango with me?, or flamenggo will do?...lol

The long ago weekend....(a long weekend) _03

Saturday, March 31 2007

The day at the beach was fun and the food was great, but it was nothing compare to the giggles and laughther we have at their house. And we call our selves "kitcen party people", because in any house we went to, the group where I'm close with ended up the kitchen, always in any given party, however small or big the kitchen we always stayed there and chat and drink and take picture. I dont know why but its always like that....maybe the food, easy access with the drinks and fridge maybe....but no!!!!.

ok heres the party with my salute to our mother from flat 33.



the sing and dance queen of salo building!!!! Mother Coney!!!!!!!! happy birthday!!! gosh she forgot to take her madicine and she feel a bit icky....lol











a desperate attempt to get the moody pose....my goodness, moody don't get mad at me for doing this.....lol



there were lots of picture and it will take the entire page if I put them all, but i'm sure you got the picture on how fun the party goes...

and that was the "long weekend" I had a great time after five weeks of loneliness at home alone.

The long ago weekend....(a long weekend)_02

Friday, March 30 2007......

After a long night of walking and chating and cathing up with friends from al khobar, and a bit dancing and slyt drinking, oops I forgot to mention my drink beside Smirnoff Ice. I had Bull Frog from Enigma, hmmmmm its not as good as Club 1's though but its ok, its a mixture of red bull, vodka and some blue staff.... its quite strong for some, but for me its just fine....after two glasses of that, you can see me swaying and bouncing on the dance floor for sure!!!! lol.

Ok, I head home at around 3 am, got into a cab. When I arrived I even write some entry on my blog and did some staff for the office then sleep, I need to wake up at 8 to arrange transport for our trip to the beach. This time I with a different group, they are my friends from here in bahrain, all of them are working at one of the top hospital in the country (charing!!!!)

So, got up, call up the driver and set the time (without brushing my teeth) after that had my shower and prepare for the trip.( this time i brushed my teeth...lol)

It was a long drive......about an hour at the speed of 120 kmph......and then here are the picture...























Ok, thats the day at the beach, with the fabulous bitches of _ _ Hospital....lol cant say it....oops
i didnt pt any thing food right??? well we had some chicken bbq, pork bbq, hotdog, adobo, pansit and some liquor...we hide it, because its not allowed to drink in public places like the beach.

At 8 in the evening we headed back home for they are the one now preparing for a big night the following day....its party time!!!!! at their house.

The long ago weekend...(a long weekend)_01

Thursday, March 29 2007..

Why long weekend???? lol, another stupid question....of course another day was added to our regular weekend, an extra day for fun....ok ok, it was the celebration of Prophet Mohammad's birthday. Muslim countries celebrate this day, so, its a holiday!!!!!! woooha!!!!

My weekend start thursday night when a couple of friends from al khobar comes in for some meeting at Sheraton Bahrain and we are invited to join them at their suite. After a 20 minute walk from my friends house in Gudaibiya, we reach the hotel and started to argue on how the hell are we going to enter the hotel. Agian why???? if you will come to Sheraton by walking, you have three choices, if you come early, around mall hours which is from morning to 9 pm, you can come in through the mall on the side of the hotel. Since we reach there at almost 10 pm its close, so we now have the two option, either we walk to the parking lot which was way too far from the mall or walk 2 and 1/2 storey of ramp to the hotels first floor lobby, and we choose the latter. Funny isnt it?? the hotel doesn't have a proper entrance for walk in guest like me and my friend and they are renovating the area to be one of Bahrain's top spot for business and shopping because it adjacent to Bahrain World Trade Center.


Anyways, we reach the hotel and meet the friends from Al Khobar, we had a long chat about this and that. One distinct story was when they started talking about one of their colleage that has been to a coma ( his ok now and back in manila) and one of the guys actually advised one of the visitors to his bed to wispher in his ears that please, run into the light, go to the light.....lol. I find it funny because the doctor told them that he, the coma guy was fighting to stay alive and his frineds are joking to tell him in his coma state to run into the light and fallow it. lol

So after that, we went down and have a nice drink at hotels bar and watch some slezzy show with 4 pinay singers. It wasn't that fun so we decided to move out and transfer to another bar. We planned to go Club F1 but unfortunately they are charging 5 dinar for entrance alone, we back out and try another one, again no luck, the guy we are expecting to play at that place hasn't arrived according to the guard, so again we have to walk for another 15 min, by this time its around 12:30 am, and we reach Enigma at 12:45 am, only to catch the last set of the band playing.

Anyways, in general it was a fun-frustarting-tiring night, fun-the band at Enigma was good, lead singer Mr. Micheal Impenio, was superb and the crowd was great, almost had that huuuuhuuu-ahhhhhahhh-uhuuuuu thing you've been hearing from me, but didn't push through, frustratiing-my goodness we walked almost for two hours in total and the first stop at Club F1, I'm sturving, so if was a tiring night.

The club. Enigma close at 2 am, and I reached home at around 3 am.....and sleep and rest for the next day friday will be a fun day at the beach!!!! part 2 of the long ago weekened.




the Sheraton Bahrain, I trie to find the ramp I'm talking about but it could find one.



hotel lobby, very elegant view after a hike at the ramp....lol



The bar at Sheraton Mezzanine floor.....cozy place..drinks are good, well I only had smirnoff ice...then we left.



I couldn't find a photo of the Enigma Bar, but this is the hotel where it is located.



club 1..at metropolitan hotel....

Not a born rocker.....

If I says I'm into rock music or other heavy metal things, NOBODY will believe me, not even my friends, yes specially them. Once upon a time I was really into Queer as Folks and Micheal, my favorite lovable Hals Sparks was into rock band, and I told one of my best friends that I'm planning to order a copy of a cd of their album and he told me blanklly, "would you like it???" even for the fact that he knows that I adore Hals Sparks.....hmmmm so i decided he is right, I will never be a rocker, well atleast in my dreams and in some crazy pictures of my self....so here it is!!! you can laugh at me, mock at me...but hey I enjoyed doing this.



what do you think of my attempt to be a rocker???? lol....or rather a punk???? so 80"s...lol

worn out geisha.....huh!!!!

As I have told you, the need for barrier is really a must, but i guess its getting a toll on my sanity...lol, well hope you enjoy this end product of moment of boredom. :P

Random images

ha ha h aha, this is what you get when you roam around the blogs in the net, you'll get tighted up with others idea, so, thank you to all of them and I finally got the nerve to post pictures of my own....yeah as if!!!! so here are some of my picture!!!



SEE the product of my boredom lol.

Barrier between me and my emotions.....

Every now and then I happen to experience some intense depression, mood swings and sometimes cramps, headache (my gulay di kaya buntis ako?????? lol) and one needs a barrier between oneself and their emotions, or else, the final destination is the last resort.....lol, don't worry my friends I've longed deposed my suicidal tendencies lol.

So, what does a fat boy do to alleviate himself from deep emotions, well it used to be food, with lots of it, but since I didn't enjoy my look from my fabulous trips to Philippine beaches, yes tripssssss, we had Zambales (twice), Batangas and and the beautiful enchanting island of Boracay. And I, unfortunately found out and believed from deep in my soul that beaches are not for fat bitches like me, obesity is a big NO!!!! when we talk about beach trip.

And so, I decided to make a huge make over, and I mean huge!!!! and food, one of my comfort in life is one of them, sadly I need to cut down my intake. And in exchange to that when I feel bored (thats when I eat and eat and smoke a lot...thats next in line ....... Smoking!!!, it should be first but....hmmmm just but) I discovered to linger & admire my slow but steady change and feel the fruits of my labor by using my not so beautiful company provided Nokia 6131, yeah..cheap!, its has a camera and bluetooth so its enough for a while and it works pretty well and some of its product are all in my friendster account, some pretty picture of me. THE CHANGES!!!!!!

How is that exciting??? well if you live your life for almost 15 years without seeing your toes when you stand straight? well you will be very excited when you finally see your toe nails...lol. (mga kapatid di nakakababae di bah.) Yeah that is some of the hard truth, so I'm giving you a glimpse of some of that changes and be the judge if i did change or not....


Arrival at Boracay Island Philippines......









and thats me on the red shirt...











The reason for change!!!!!!!!







can you imagine how small my friend beside me, even with his full effort to match my bulging tummy!!!!!


di talaga nakakababae ito!!!!!!










the look, fours weeks of vacation in manila........mom's a great cook!!!!













feeling macho at Bora, yeah as if!!!! I need more lifting than that, agree?!?!?.....
























the nerve!!!! smoking while diving!!!! who does that????? only me!!!!!





















and a close up!!!!! my goodness, look at all those open pores....watch out you might loose the cam!!!!!
















Ok enough of the past look, what I'm interested is the end product, so, please scroll down and see if I did change or not, its not that i choose the worse of my picture but I tell you it did get worse than whats above.



And now the transformation....If there is any..lol











so???? is there any visible change?? atleast on the face? maybe????, because most of them are from shoulder up, but one thing I really notice and excited about is????...hmmmm I finally see my jaw line on my picture!!!!! gosh ... I really missed that....lol

and more to come soon..

Lost...again and again and again

Have you ask your self where will your final destination be?, silly question isn't it, most of you will say death of course, yes, but thats the ultimate final destination and I'm not referring to that, not just yet. I've learned to love myself more than ever and ending it soon is not on my page.

Lost in a world of turbulent scenario in life, at work, at weight..lol, and future, yes, future after learning that the office I'm into are in deep trouble in finances, I felt bad. Yes my sister (I'm sure your not liking this blog) patience is a virtue, but having all this in front of your face....wow only the people candidate for sainthood will have the greatest patience to spare. Would you believe that all our manpower/workers stop all three sites due to unpaid salaries? Honestly this people, I can say are the most damn or the bunch of guys who have the biggest patience in the whole wide world, why????? simply, most of them stayed in the company for more than 6 years, thats around 3 complete contract, they know the companies inability to pay salaries in time but still they comes back, same with my case, m'I damn or simply stupid to sign another contract for 2 years knowing that they do all of this bad habits. (don't worry sis, I already spoken to them and tell them all this things yesterday, upfront and in their face.) I'm not proud of it but I felt that I should do that.

As I my sister always tells me, we just have to be patience and a better and brighter tomorrow will come. And I believe her....but i don't think i believe on my company anymore, sad.

The DREAM....Murder of a Friend (kuno)

I had a dream......a long and very disgusting dream about someone who is so disgusting and if i can only strip him of his title i will.


But first I have some few questions to ask and please react in at most honesty in the name of friendship.


1. would you allow to put your friends existance in vain for the name of sex?

2. how far can you tolerate your friends lude behavior?

3. whats your descriptions of a good friends?

4. is sex an excuse to act morbidly to other people?

5. what is your limit just to get layed?

6. should a friend be worth fighting/depending for his rude and unruly acts?

7. when will you draw the line to someone who acts beyond his limits as professional?

8. is being drunk an excuse to act in a selfish way?

9. how do you see a sex maniac in action?

10. will you be a true friend by harboring a self-centered-egotistic-sex-addict-slut by depending his action?

11,12,13,14 and so on and so forth, there are endless question I can ask and endless scenario that was taken lightly and tolerated by most of us, let alone joining in in this immaturity.


THE DREAM....(a bad dream)


It was a beautiful Friday evening when a group of friends decided to have a night out in the mountainous resort in the province of Rizal. It was set to be joined in by the young members of the group, but to every bodies dismay, it didn't goes as plan. So, only a few goes to enjoy the soon to be eventful gathering. It started well I may say, because the group venture in high spirit with and good company and it was set in a lovely mood of partners and lovers, except for the single guy who I thought have a loving relationship with some guy from previous outing. But anyways, as the night goes deeper, another group of people comes to the seen, a group of guys who want to enjoy the night with booze and laughter and swim out their professional - fatigue. Yes, the group are consist of young men and women ( I guess, I wasn't there) that works on now popular companies that requires wit, glamor, looks and high quality of speaking tounge (shit di kaya sinasapian yun??? lol). So, the scene was set for a goodnight out for both groups, until, some friends from the first group came, three of them.



The first two was a lovers at first rate, been together for so long and I really admired their relationship. The other one, or should i say the "ONE", was someone I tried to reconcile with in the previous post, unfortunately.



So they came and joined the party, with lots of joking around and fooling around. Until the boozed kicked in, by then the newly joined lovers noticed that the other group was someone that works from their company (the chinito lover of the lovers,) and the "ONE" who is a known to be morbidly addicted to sex had an eye for some of that group member. The night goes well in general but an event occurs due to some unpleasant advances of a very professional educator that stirred up the nights fun.


Here how it goes, well according to my dream last night, the "ONE" followed one of the guys to the bathroom and make some advances, sexual advances, well it was dream its not clear if there was any physical advancement happened. But the words was crystal clear, everybody heard it, there was a dialog saying, "puwede bang pumasok" ( can I come in) apparently to the bathroom where the guy was taking his shower, well i hope his taking a shower, what if his doing some other business, some shitty staff, my goodness!!!!!!.....I will sing Dirty by Christina Agelera.


So that was the start, and it gets uglier when the guy fought back and depended his now invaded personal space, of course even I will get hysterical if I received some unwanted, unsolicited and not so yummy advances from a not so professional educator as the "ONE"!!!!!!! HELLO!!!!!!!!.....at these age and time you should be making an advance booking first with advance payment...gosh!!!! cheap huh, from my dreams. golly!!!!


And all those thing going on, the "ONE" didn't even realize that chinito, the lover of lovers, was doing is invisibility act from these group, because he was apparently working with them and take note, that one of the supervisors from that company was a friend of the "ONE" ........so, how stupid was that?????? you bet!!!!!! your ass!!! you stupid sex addict!!!!. I mean my golly, you proclaimed to be a good hearted friend and never admit of wrong doing but at least consider your friends before acting stupidly on your sex drives....GOSH!!!!! so dirty!!!l..lol



Well things like these can never be avoided if your in a group with such character as the "ONE", good thing though the lover of chinito was there and smart enough and witty enough to do his prime time TV antics!!!! it muffles the scene and at least calmed the guys from the other group, but still chinito had to suffer exposing himself to them let alone be known to be part of the "ONE's" group, how embarrassing!!!!!! sooo dirty!!!!!! GOSH!!! avelgush!!!

So that was my dream the other night, but to add more notes on that particular dream, an added reaction I want share with regards to other character .

- Its nice to rise to the occasion and be a part of the scene, but please, know the right thing to do first, be on the right side, don't let your self be drifted by anger. Assess the situation and act accordingly. There are always two character in every story, the victim and the assailant, know them first and study the case, don't just rush to the scene. Its better to be right than sorry. Don't be dirty, my GOSH I love you pa naman, your style and your story really thrills me, but don't use that to be part of the scene.


- And for that someone who is out there and didn't had the chance to joined in the fun and horror of that outing, please set your priorities right....yun lang!!!!!! GOSH!!! Avelgush!!! wag pa starlet.



And then I woke up and wanted to write. So!!!! this story is fictional, I'm out of Philippines right now. So, any character or company, person living or dead mentioned on this dream story is purely coincidental, but if you think your part of this scene. WELL YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE... KAYA MAG TAE ka ......


from me


the queen of bowl.

Hello Auto Cad 2007!!!!!!!!....

How lame is my title?.......just like me for a long time now....oops, by the way the "Long Weekend" will be next, i haven't got the picture yet. Ok, back to my lame life, yeah, I always find the lamest excuse to settle for something that are long overdue. T-shirt, jeans, bags, shoes???? oh no please i love shoes!!!!!!!!!.



I brought a lot of programs from manila since I had my vacation lately. I had a chance to grab some and hoping to update my stuff. And by looking at the DVD's I got, all of them are like saying hello to me with a big 2007 or 07', then i turn on my computer and would you believed that I'm still working on auto cad 2000!!!!!!. Autocad 2004 comes and go, and again 2005 then 2006 version came and now 2007 and still I'm holding on to something that I thought I'm comfortable with, well, yes I'm, but after talking to some guys in my field and reading forums concerning our works then I felt left out and outdated, so I'm moving out of my comfort zone and using my newly acquired (oops all of them are seating on my desk for the last four weeks.... : P) programs and running and testing them now. yehey!!!


So, bid me good luck and a good journey to all of its eye watering help tools that's what I get when I read a lot from the screen) And trying to digest all the new tools that these new programs offers..

My next post will Be ...... "A Long Weekend "

I'm saving this post next time, it's going to be long and heavy.......with picture...lol, I'm still waiting for them from my friends, and for the first time in 5 weeks I had a good weekend.......a long one!!!!

Not Good..........

I started my blogging for one reason in particular, that is to change. And to record my journey in finding "Better Me". But it seems that I'm swaying away from my original context.......hmmmmmm not good indeed.

So, since my real topic is change, I'm making a big one on my blog.Mostly on the type of entries/posting/topic that I should write, topics that interest me most and things I want to see (and hoping that you want to also.) And I need to label all my entries and try to categorize them properlly.

So, the labels/categories are as follows:

a. Looks & Health




lol....looks daw oh?!?!?! healthy, yeah maybe, but need to work out more.

b. Professions and acquired knowledege





this are some of my works.....good???? hmmm not really, need to learn more tricks to make my design more competitive.



c. Love, sex (!?!?!?) and relationship

(not my bed)

still an empty bed....hu hu hu....anyways, lifes greatest pleasure sometimes are not free..... who knows?? I can win the lottery and buy them all....LOL.....ha ha h ah a


d. Movies

I love watching movies, I will make a review of all the movies i've seen and let you know what i think....welljust trying to be a good movie critic..ha ha, reliable kaya?!?!?!? lol

e. Hotties

HMmmm, hmp, still thinking if i'm posting anything here, wait, just wait for a while....to fear or not to fear? posting something naugthy on my blog can creact a lot of reaction form you guys...hmmmm so what the heck!


so here is my first entry.....(sorry to those who don't appreciate beauty like we do) :P



I found this photo on the net, didn't even know if his pinoy? but i he is, his one hell of a gifted hottie pinoy, wow..sa kanya kaya lahat yan???

f. Books


Now, I'm reading the "Historian", its good, quite different from anne rice's approach on vampire novel, and i'm getting the hang of it. hmmmmm just loving it..parang mc do.

g. Food & lesisure

well where to start with food, but from some of places I designed here in bahrain.....hope you like it.

Saadedin Pastry; one of the top pastry and confecsionary company in Saudi Arabia that open up here in Bahrain, they have the best cakes and chocolate in town and the "BAKLAVA" (sounds funny isn't it??) is just heavenly, just like me....ha ha ha ha


And "Le Marine", one of my best work (the picture is only on the soft opening stage) the place offers fresh sea food, thai cuisine and other local dishes.




3D generated image of Le Marine




And others things that I should focus on, rather than ranting and whinning about my past life and ending up hurting other people feelings (lol.......joke joke joke!!!)


So please do stop by once in a while and see this "Change" get a new kick!!!!!

bye