FEAR..........
a. A feeling of agitation or anxiety by the presence of imminence danger
b. A state of condition marked by this condition, "living in fear"
c. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: "a fear of looking foolish"
d. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
e. A reason for dread or apprehension: "Being alone is my greatest fear."
A very simple word, even a child can come up with their own meaning when one utter the word, and yet people struggle in accepting what feared them, or faced it, or control it nor confront it. Many suffers emotionally and resigned to deep depression because of it.
I for one have endured 2/3 of my life living in fear to let others know me, who I'm, what I want and what I dreamed of. For all I know life is just a box held by people who regards you as their nephew, their cousins and their sons. Life is the whole world waiting for you to embrace and walk on, without hesitation, but of course with proper precautions.
I have known people not braved enough or to foolish enough to let others take credit for what they do and let be just a shadow of their great works under the feet of others, just by fearing rejection.
Others felt fear on feeling foolish as the very definition of fear, I too, was like that, I never regards myself as a person who looks at magazine and being adventurous on how I look, I tend to be on the standard way, even enter a restaurant, even if I'm dying to try everybody's favorite dish. I thought it's shyness that sway me away from this things, but it was fear nonetheless.
During my years working in Manila, I tried to be myself, be brave, letting what I thought the real me take over and be myself, and stand against change...I feared that i will loose my identity for others standard if I try to be something that I'm not....What a foolish thing to do then for someone who haven't prove anything.....the result....lol... I got fired.....twice.... but the second one was a big leap out of fear. It was the first company where I introduce myself and show the true color of my wings...(what you may ask? it was the rainbow color.....hah ha ha...not all find it amusing.) It was a braved step for me to bring out the very best of what i got, but still people are too afraid of what someone like us can do. So, i got fired because of some "ingetara" in the office. Then again its fear that drives them to do such thing.
But for me the biggest fear one should face is whit in ourselves, facing the truth, the reality and the consequences of our actions are just the hardest. The truth, people like me always lives in fear. Professionally, it's so hard to affiliate ourselves because of who we are, specially on a male dominated field that I'm working with, being me will be a subject of ridicule and questions on my ability and it will be slapped on my face when I come out. Still, fear dominate my life.
Specially when it comes to love, and relationship and sex?....well a lot can do about that if your here where I live right now, but who will take a bet against your future just for a little bit of sex without passion...... I won't........but then again, I did, before, for five years I held on something I'm not sure that I shared with someone, or maybe I just convinced myself that I have something but nothing. Fearing to accept that my life is as empty as the box that I've known as life.
But, a big BUTT like mine, I need to face the truth that life is not only the four corners of that box, I can paint it with pink or red to make it more seductive, put a hole or a window so someone can see through and know that I exist, or maybe i can have another wall to make it more roomy to accommodate someone new.
FEAR......is something we face everyday, sometimes that's the reason why we are sad and longing for something. In every twice and turn its there, we just have to learn to face it.
a. A feeling of agitation or anxiety by the presence of imminence danger
b. A state of condition marked by this condition, "living in fear"
c. A feeling of disquiet or apprehension: "a fear of looking foolish"
d. Extreme reverence or awe, as toward a supreme power.
e. A reason for dread or apprehension: "Being alone is my greatest fear."
A very simple word, even a child can come up with their own meaning when one utter the word, and yet people struggle in accepting what feared them, or faced it, or control it nor confront it. Many suffers emotionally and resigned to deep depression because of it.
I for one have endured 2/3 of my life living in fear to let others know me, who I'm, what I want and what I dreamed of. For all I know life is just a box held by people who regards you as their nephew, their cousins and their sons. Life is the whole world waiting for you to embrace and walk on, without hesitation, but of course with proper precautions.
I have known people not braved enough or to foolish enough to let others take credit for what they do and let be just a shadow of their great works under the feet of others, just by fearing rejection.
Others felt fear on feeling foolish as the very definition of fear, I too, was like that, I never regards myself as a person who looks at magazine and being adventurous on how I look, I tend to be on the standard way, even enter a restaurant, even if I'm dying to try everybody's favorite dish. I thought it's shyness that sway me away from this things, but it was fear nonetheless.
During my years working in Manila, I tried to be myself, be brave, letting what I thought the real me take over and be myself, and stand against change...I feared that i will loose my identity for others standard if I try to be something that I'm not....What a foolish thing to do then for someone who haven't prove anything.....the result....lol... I got fired.....twice.... but the second one was a big leap out of fear. It was the first company where I introduce myself and show the true color of my wings...(what you may ask? it was the rainbow color.....hah ha ha...not all find it amusing.) It was a braved step for me to bring out the very best of what i got, but still people are too afraid of what someone like us can do. So, i got fired because of some "ingetara" in the office. Then again its fear that drives them to do such thing.
But for me the biggest fear one should face is whit in ourselves, facing the truth, the reality and the consequences of our actions are just the hardest. The truth, people like me always lives in fear. Professionally, it's so hard to affiliate ourselves because of who we are, specially on a male dominated field that I'm working with, being me will be a subject of ridicule and questions on my ability and it will be slapped on my face when I come out. Still, fear dominate my life.
Specially when it comes to love, and relationship and sex?....well a lot can do about that if your here where I live right now, but who will take a bet against your future just for a little bit of sex without passion...... I won't........but then again, I did, before, for five years I held on something I'm not sure that I shared with someone, or maybe I just convinced myself that I have something but nothing. Fearing to accept that my life is as empty as the box that I've known as life.
But, a big BUTT like mine, I need to face the truth that life is not only the four corners of that box, I can paint it with pink or red to make it more seductive, put a hole or a window so someone can see through and know that I exist, or maybe i can have another wall to make it more roomy to accommodate someone new.
FEAR......is something we face everyday, sometimes that's the reason why we are sad and longing for something. In every twice and turn its there, we just have to learn to face it.
1 comment:
well..my dear..you can always paint your box with all the colors of the rainbox. make it the way u want it to be. u deserve the best things life can offer. enjoy your life...but within your means (we have restrictions coz of ur family responsibilities, ganun talaga tayo eh)..and of course, dont forget to plan for your future..for a better status..a better life than what we had, what we have. at least a more comfortable life for all of us. for you and for me.
thanks for sharing. i love reading your blog. its like reading things that i need to know. to make myself stronger. i look at you as my new source of strength. a support system. and for that, thank you so much! mwah!
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